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Dear Coleen: My partner’s kids have turned nasty since I moved into his flat

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my partner for four years – he’s in his early 60s and I’m in my mid-50s. I moved into his flat a year ago after selling my house and giving my two grown-up kids some money from the sale to help them get on to the property ladder.

Now, I’d like to use the money I have left to buy into my partner’s flat, so I own half of it. I want to feel secure that I’ll have a forever home that belongs to me, too.

My problem is, he has four grown-up children and when the eldest two found out I was moving in last year they became hostile and stopped inviting me to family gatherings. I can only guess they were concerned about their inheritance.

My partner and I hope to be together for the rest of our lives and I want to know I’d still have my home if he passes away before me. If it happened soon, I’m sure his daughter would have me out as soon as the funeral was over!

I don’t want to speak too badly of her because we had an OK relationship for the first couple of years.

I want to do this legally – give half the value of the flat to my partner, have both our names on the deeds of the property and get documents drawn up to state that our home wouldn’t be sold until both of us pass away, with 50% of the property sale going to his kids and 50% going to mine.

My partner’s siblings are lovely and don’t agree with how his children have turned on me, and they all think I should go for it.

What do you think?

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Coleen says

I think what you’re suggesting seems perfectly reasonable – and sensible. I don’t see what the problem is here apart from greedy kids!

Obviously, you will need to get proper legal advice, make wills and get everything drawn up in legally-binding documents, so nothing is left up for debate.

It should actually put his kids’ minds at rest because they’ll know it’s a 50/50 split and they’ll know you’ve paid him for your half of the property.

Also, I really think it’s down to your partner to explain this to his children and sort it out with them. The bottom line is, it’s not up to them how your partner organises his finances and your relationship shouldn’t be up for debate either.

If it makes you feel better, why not write to his daughter and explain you’re with her dad because you love him and all you want to do is buy half of the property, so it’s your home, too. Then the ball is in her court I’m afraid.

Just make sure everything is tied up legally, so there’s no room for any arguments in the future.

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