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Dear Coleen: My husband adores me but I’m sleeping with an ex-boyfriend

Dear Coleen

I’ve been married for almost 10 years.

My husband and I have been through the death of his brother, addiction and many other trials.

We have also had some happy years and are now closer and kinder to one another than we have ever been.

When I met him I was trying to get over someone I have loved for the past 30 years.

This previous ­relationship was not a healthy one, as I was always more committed to him than he was to me.

I found out this previous boyfriend was sleeping with another woman and the relationship ended on bad terms eight months before my husband and I got together.

Two years after my husband and I married, this ex reappeared in my life. We have been talking almost daily for the past eight years. L

Last summer, our relationship became physical again and the emotional connection grew.

My husband has no idea about this relationship. My lover tells me that I need to leave my husband, not for him but because I’m unhappy in my marriage.

He tells me that he loves me and that he hopes we end up together some day, yet he doesn’t say that he’s ready to commit to me.

My husband spoils me and loves me like crazy. Right now I am very torn between these two men and I do love them both.

Please help.

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Coleen says

This lover is offering you a whole lot of nothing – he doesn’t want you to be with your hubby, yet he’s not willing to commit to you.

These don’t look like good odds to me and I think you’d be leaving yourself vulnerable to a whole load of heartache and uncertainty.

Look, you say you love your husband and you’re still together, despite going through so much, so I’d think long and hard before you walk out on your marriage.

Marriage involves navigating the good times as well as the bad, and you’ve done it successfully. So many couples don’t survive when they hit challenges like grief or addiction, but you have.

It would be terrible if you left a good man for someone who’s only offering you a “maybe”.

If he really loved you, he’d be pleading with you to leave your hubby and make a life with him, but I think he’s happy to keep you as a friend with benefits.

There’s something about human nature that draws us to the wrong person – someone who doesn’t treat us how we deserve to be treated.

If you’d told me you were miserable with your hubby, I’d say give it a go with your ex – just lower your expectations to avoid getting your heart broken.

But you are happy and this other guy has just thrown a spanner in the works. And he’s proved over the years that cheating comes easily to him and he’s not reliable.

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